Up front, this article isn't meant to be a complete study on the subject. But, you can use it as a building block if you like. Matthew 5 is the first instance in the Gospels that Jesus says anything about divorce. Let's look at it.
A lot of people in church (and out of it) struggle long and hard about the issue of divorce. Is it biblical? Is it a sin? What's does God think about me? What do others think about me?
Women, I think, really have it hard. That's because so many of them are stuck in a marriage with an abusive man. They want out. But, don't know if it's the right thing.
That's probably because there is a lot of misunderstanding and mis- (or dys-) interpretation of the Bible going on in an abusive "christian" relationship.
Let's face it, religion is used to cover up a whole lot of sins. The American slave trade was justified by religion. The murderous inquisition during Europe's middle ages was justified by religion. A lot of the turmoil that has gone on in the middle east from the time Abraham left Iraq to the present day, is justified by religion.
And, unfortunately, a lot of "christians" do a lot of bad things in their marriages leaving their spouses (men and women) wondering "how long can I stay in this marriage?" as they turn to their bibles looking for comfort and direction.
So, what does the bible, or, Jesus say about divorce? How should a person today read the scriptures and get a good understanding of it?
One thing to remember is this, while the bible does have a lot of answers, it doesn't have a definitive answer for each and every situation that you may find yourself in. It was written in a different time for a different purpose.
But understanding some of what the Bible does say about divorce
will empower you. Let's take a look.
What Does The Bible Say About Divorce?
So, in Matthew chapter 5 the words of Christ are hard to misunderstand. In the passage below He's being pretty direct about it.
Matthew 5:31-32 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
In this passage Jesus does not address the issue of alcoholism, physical or mental abuse, addiction in any form from pornography to gambling to drugs. What if your spouse is a thief? What if your spouse is a chronic liar? What if your spouse is a murderer? What if your spouse has a mental problem or split personality? What if your spouse is leading or lead a double life that you are unaware of? And these are only some of the things that actually go on in marriages today.
The bible doesn't address these issues. But, I would suspect that Jesus would be just as concerned about someone in these situations too. Whether divorce is appropriate is between the individual and God.
Looking a little closer at what the Lord is saying in this passage can shed a little more light on how people interpret things.
Who exactly is He talking to? It seems He's talking to the men in the audience. So, that raises the question, "why isn't He addressing the women too?"
Now the context of this statement is interesting because in verses 27-28 Jesus addresses the issue of men "lusting" after women. He goes on to tell the men that it's adultery just as much as physically sleeping with a woman who you're not married to.
27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
And He seems to be addressing a common saying about a common practice that was going on at the time.
Jesus Talks To Men About Divorce
Jesus is talking appears to imply or suggest that men were divorcing their wives for petty and/or selfish (self indulgent) reasons. In fact, when you read it in context, it almost seems that men were able to divorce their wives for any reason they wanted as long as they gave her the "certificate".
Now first and foremost, there is a spiritual component to the marriage relationship. The bible has plenty of references to marriage representing God's relationship with His people. But, I also believe that Jesus also addressed the real life practical problems that people were living with day by day.
And from a practical standpoint, the way that I read it, Jesus, was trying to get men to be a little more responsible about their commitment to their families and to society in general.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that women are more responsible than men. I am only pointing out what is actually being said about divorce in these particular verses. And, how I interpret them.
So, why is The Lord only talking to men in this passage? Lets consider several things that might give us more clues.
1. At that time, in that culture, society was male dominated and patriarchal. Basically, whatever a man said about his wife and family was the "law". The man made all the decisions and women had few rights as we know them today.
2. Women basically had no "rights" as we understand rights today. They couldn't file for divorce. And, for the most part, they wouldn't even want to because they were dependent on their families and husbands to provide a roof over their heads, food to eat, children to love.
And if they did get divorced they would become a drain on society. They and sometimes their children would become beggars and street people because they didn't have access to the "privileges" of society that men did (there are several passages that speak of the God's people looking out for the widows-women without husbands and orphans).
3. Since that society was set up to be male dominated, it was the man in the relationship who would initiate a divorce and not the other way around. Think about it... It was a more common practice for a man to have more than one wife than the other way around.
For us today, one of the main reasons (not the only reason) that people get divorced is that they "want to move on". Back then, the guys didn't have that problem. If they wanted to move on, they did. And their wife really had no say in the matter.
Divorce, in this setting, seemed more of an "arbitrary" thing. Not something that is necessary as in someone being unfaithful, abused, or, for any other
good to those involved.
4. I suspect that The Lord was primarily talking to men in this passage because men were making it a practice to divorce their wives "willy nilly". Either when they got tired of them or when they couldn't afford them and the family, or, when the women in the home just didn't get along.
And then justifying their actions by saying "God says I can do this!" And Jesus hates it when God's people misrepresents what His Father is like, has said, or is doing.
Now, to sum up... when talking about divorce, at least in this passage (and it's context) , Jesus is pretty clear.
Men cannot divorce their wives just because they have see someone sexier or more appealing. Divorce, in these verses, is only lawful in the case of infidelity.
As I read it, He doesn't really address the women in this passage. Maybe that's because of the culture of the time. I don't know. But, I would assume that the same would hold to them also.